January 1, 2015

North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Un has claimed that he’s open to high level talks between himself and the leaders of South Korea provided “proper conditions” are met at the summit. The list of his conditions includes: a hot tub full of fudge, five giant squirrel costumes, the complete obliteration of South Korea, free Muffuletta sandwiches, the complete obliteration of America, all you can eat soups and salads, transportation provided by a pimped out helicopter piloted by the guy from Magnum PI (not Tom Selleck–the guy who piloted the helicopter), twenty complementary nuclear warheads, a Black Lotus from the Alpha or Beta sets, three years premium membership to Deviant Art, five genetically mutated acorns that are the size of a grown man’s head, and lastly, there can’t be any honey dew on the fruit tray.

Two are dead from a helicopter crash in Southern Arizona. They are believed to have collided with a coyote who fired himself from a catapult.

Today is the first day of 2015, the year the Back to the Future series said we wouldn’t need roads. I tried to explain this to the officer after the party last night. Now I need a moped.

Sam Raimi has admitted that Spiderman 3 was awful. Now comic book fans can do what comic book fans do best: forgive.

A South Korean activist is planning to send balloons with DVDs of the Seth Rogen / James Franco comedy The Interview over the border into North Korea. However, it is not expected that many North Koreans will watch the film, because activists failed to send DVDs of Freaks and Geeks fifteen years ago.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.