December 27, 2014

The Grecian parliament, having twice failed to attain the necessary majority to elect a new president, must do so on a third attempt or the entire parliament will be dissolved. They will then return inside of a giant wooden horse.

A Times-square poll indicates that half of Americans believe next year will be better than the current one, one tenth of Americans believe it will be worse, and four tenths can’t locate America on a map.

A woman taken into custody after baring her breasts in the Vatican has been released on the condition she never steps foot in the historic city-state again unless she grows thirteen feet and turns to marble.

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