May 16, 2014

Two California teens have been arrested on suspicion of arson during a time their area is being plagued by vicious wildfires. In a statement from the boys’ attorney, Mr. Billy Joel Esq., the allegations have been vehemently denied.

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Narendra Modi has been elected India’s next prime minister. Modi is a former tea-seller who was once denied a visa from the United States, presumably for steep infractions.

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A rocket failure in Russia has resulted in the loss of a $275 million satellite. Unfortunately, the satellite did not burst into a shower of coins equal to its worth upon its destruction because there’s no reason it would do that–it’s just a silly thought.

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