March 21, 2014

After two weeks, trace of Malaysian Airlines Flight MH370 has yet to be found. Floating debris might have been spotted by satellite some days ago, but whatever was seen is now believed to be at the bottom of the ocean. The Justice League¬† looks to Aquaman.¬† Aquaman looks back, and puts his feet up on his newly acquired ottoman that looks suspiciously like a piece of an airplane engine. Wonder Woman tells him he’s a horrible person. Aquaman says: “I’m not a person. I’m an Atlantean.” Wonder Woman kicks him in the dick.

First Lady Michelle Obama is visiting China this weekend. Today she visited high school students in their robot, calligraphy, and table tennis classes. Meanwhile American high school students looked up what the words “robot” and “calligraphy” meant and then sat at a table for seven hours fondling themselves.

Zookeepers in Washington have stolen a sloth bear cub from its cannibalistic mother, who ate two of the cub’s siblings. Just another example of big government sticking its nose where it doesn’t belong.

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