March 10, 2014

Sbarro pizza chain has filed for bankruptcy and plans to close 155 locations. Heat lamps will stay on until someone orders the last slice of breakfast pizza, expected to occur in 2055.

Scientists have found four new ozone-wrecking chemicals in the atmosphere but have not determined their origins. The easy money is on the farts of people who have eaten Sbarro’s breakfast pizza.

A Winston-Salem cop fired a round into a Mercedes after its driver sped off to avoid a search. Police caught up to the motorist and conducted a search anyway, finding a suspicious bullet lodged into the back of the car.

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