September 18, 2017

The 69th annual Emmy Awards Ceremony took place last night. [Insert compulsory joke about Hollywood sucking its own dick in the 69.] Award for best actor went to a penguin wearing a human suit.

Forecasts suggest that Hurricane Maria will soon strike the Caribbean Islands, a region recently devastated by Hurricane Irma. Common sense suggests a Puerto Rican man will soon strike a nerd who makes the following joke: “Irmaa and then Maria? We shouldn’t be afraid of hurricanes; we should be afraid of anagrams!”

The United States has flown a flock of advanced flying penises over the Korean peninsula in response to North Korea firing a nuclear penis over Japan. None of the penises are expected to go ka’plooey. They’re just edging.


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