September 1, 2017

The internet notifies me that on this day in 1902, Georges Melies’ classic filmĀ A Trip to the Moon was released. Every article about the legendary short film then goes on to say that unfortunately, Thomas Edison – and then I can stop reading because Mr. Edison is now such a well-documented super-villain that the words unfortunately, Thomas Edison explain the entirety of any great tragedy: we were going to have cheaper and more efficient electricity then unfortunately, Thomas Edison; that adorable elephant was going to keep on living then unfortunately, Thomas Edison; the Kool-aid Man busted in and was going to give us all free Kool-Aid then unfortunately, Thomas Edison. Get out of my history books, you chode.

In more recent news, racist and sadistic sheriff Joe Arpaio was going to pay for his crimes against humanity which included running torturous prison camps for illegal immigrants; then unfortunately, Donald Trump…

Houston continues to flood as Hurricane Harvey pounds the Gulf Coast with turbulent weather. Senator Hiram the Hypocrisy Hippopotamus calls for federal aid despite voting against a similar aid package when Hurricane Sandy hit the Northeast a few years ago. Sorry, that was Senator Ted Cruz. Hiram the Hypocrisy Hippopotamus teaches river safety – which if you know anything about real-life hippopotamuses, well, that’s where the hypocrisy comes in: I was traveling down the Nile River, then unfortunately…

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