August 22, 2017

Legendary comedian Jerry Lewis died earlier this week at age 91. His afterlife will consist of pit falling from Heaven into Hell, then rocketing back up to Heaven with a powerful spit-take when he spots what Satan is wearing.

This shall appease both those who hated Jerry and those who loved him. Most importantly, it will amuse Dean Martin who God thinks is just the coolest.

Idaho state representative Bryan Zollinger supports a notion that former President Barack Obama engaged in a conspiracy to spark the recent violent conflict in Charlottesville which has resulted in current President Donald Trump looking bad. [a long, bewildered pause during which all the things wrong with this vie for attention in one’s tired brain, accumulating into a mountain of incredulity and frustration; then fizzle into a flat and defeated wasteland] You got him, Bryan. Great Job, Buddy!

Charlotte Roel Easterly was born in Pensacola Florida at the height of yesterday’s Eclipse. Per a little known but rigid local statute, she has been promptly burned as a witch.

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