August 4, 2017

The Secret Service has left Trump Tower due to leasing difficulties. Presumably, the government agency demanded too many special adjustments for the price point. Rationality has been expelled from Trump’s brain for a similar reason. The brain is confident that it can lease the vacated space to arrogance and bigotry for much less effort.

The Senate has introduced two bills to make it more difficult for Trump to fire Robert Mueller, the prosecutor leading the investigation into Trump’s – let’s say “Moscovian Augmented” – presidential campaign, as he fired FBI Director James Comey. The first bill is entitled: “So we really have to do this sort of thing now?” the second is: “Seriously, how are more of the American people not both extremely furious and incredibly frightened that we have to do this sort of thing now?

Sudden gunfire in a San Francisco park has left three wounded. The bullets have since been dislodged but now owe their victims $10,000 due to Bay Area anti-living costs.

Yesterday 60,000 rubber ducks raced in the Windy City Rubber Ducky Derby. Chicago wiseguys paid 59,999 of them to take a dive. It proved unwise.

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