August 1, 2017

Rapid permafrost collapse in Siberia is creating massive craters overnight. Scientists believe it to be yet another consequence of human accelerated global warming. Although clearly, this is just a left-wing cover-up of a sarlacci infestation.

Survivors are celebrating after a Ukrainian pilot landed their plane blind in the wake of flying into a sudden hailstorm that cracked the windshield, disabled the auto-pilot, and chilled the emergency vodka tank.

Two professional football players are being sued by a Hollywood nightclub owner for an over $9,000 bar tab. Most likely, this massive debt was accrued via bottles of Cristal champagne and a large entourage of cocktail imbibers; so it’s not really that impressive compared to my one-man $90 tab comprised purely of PBR.

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