July 31, 2017

Ivanka Trump wants to lower expectations of how much pull she has in her father’s administration, according to a source familiar with her thinking: a yellow doormat.

New Jersey governor Chris Christie fired back at a fan who had been harassing him at a baseball game: “you want to start something?” Christie asked; “the traffic flow on the George Washington Bridge?” he continued; “well too bad, because I’ve once more closed down lanes for purely political reasons;” he admitted in the surprisingly confessional exchange; “does that make me a bad governor and a corrupt asshole?” he went on, now turning to introspection; “yes, I suppose it does, but how dare you harass me for it?” no one knows where he was going at this point; “this is a baseball game, sir, where you are to get angry at other people for missing or hitting a ball; not where you are to voice perfectly legitimate criticisms at a public official” Then Christie sat down and ate his nachos. The cheese was flavored with a single tear drop.

A team from Columbia University may have identified the first “exomoon,” a moon outside of our solar system, comprised of an undiscovered cheese.

Verily, Wikipedia, your list of cheeses is dynamic and will never know completeness.


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