July 25, 2017

President Trump has issued several tweets attempting to shift focus from his campaign’s highly-possible illicit dealings with Russia on to Hillary Clinton’s first-time-anyone-has-ever-heard-of-it dealings with Ukraine. Let’s unpack:

  1. Hillary Clinton is not president.
  2. Russia invaded and annexed Crimea, formerly a part of Ukraine, only a few years ago. Their relationship is analogous to the Galactic Empire vs. the Rebel Alliance.
  3. Is he trying to compare Hillary Clinton with Princess Leia?
  4. Princess Leia was awesome. That’s like, obvious, right?
  5. HILLARY CLINTON IS NOT PRESIDENT

Trump also joked that after questioning his 36 year old son-in-law Jared Kushner, investigators would next focus on Trump’s 11-year old son Baron. Baron’s middle name must be Munchausen.

In other horrible people news: an Evangelical church / cult named the Word of Faith Fellowship is gaining notoriety, having expanded from Spindale, North Carolina into Brazil where they have repressed education, split apart families, and enforced a brutal doctrine which includes a ban on wearing jeans. The only explanation can be that the sect’s founder, Jane Whaley, once saw Stephen King’s The Stand, wherein the devil / “Randall Flagg” is depicted as sporting a sinful denim on denim ensemble. Watch the mini-series. Try not to start an oppressive religion full of bullshit.

 

 

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